Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Children with Difficult Personalities
"Here's to good women, May we know them,
May we be them, May we raise them."
Parenting children that have difficult personalities...
I would like to say one thing to mothers of children with difficult personalities: "Hold on dear sister!"
We have had a few difficulties here and there and have not resolved all of the issues but we are always working on them.
Isn't that what parenting is all about?
I must admit to never having to deal with any of the extreme cases that I have witnessed on occasion, so I can't be of help there,
except to say "Pray without ceasing!"
As a mother I see it as my job to stand with each of my children against the adverse forces of the world and encourage them to be their very best.
Admittedly, there are some extreme cases where this is more than difficult. I have seen some ADHD children and some of them are obviously suffering from something that befuddles the average mind.
However, I believe that some (if not many) of these 'cases' are not 'problems' at all, just typical children reacting to the world as it has been dished out to them. There are no perfect children.
Perhaps some are acting out due to a lack of boundaries consistently and lovingly enforced, or maybe an adult (teacher?) failing to understand a child's need to move and play. Some children seem to crave an adult's attention as though they never had it a day in their life (maybe they haven't...?).
Since this is my blog and I love to jump on a soap box now and then..I'd like to encourage other parents to consider this: every child is different and should not be expected to develop the same as other children.
This is one reason why God gave us families instead of institutions!
Don't label your child out loud. A child should never see himself as a boxed in replica of anyone else or even as disabled in some way. Optimism works wonders!
Hold up role models and encourage them when you see success.
Point out areas that need work without slapping a sticky label on their forehead that says ADD or HYPER or MOODY or anything else.
Our children need to see us as a refuge. We, as parents, are the one earthly source from which a child can receive unconditional love.
And before I continue: some children (a couple of mine included) have a physical condition that CAN be helped!
Hurray for doctors who aren't afraid to move forward. We have a wonderful doctor who is working with one of my children because he was born with several physical anomalies including scoliosis.
Please check out Osteopathy...particularly cranial therapy...it's worth your time and may be just the thing you or your child need to start seeing a difference. Cranial therapy has helped children with learning disabilities and attention problems and more~~it has to do with blood flow to areas of the brain...this is not radical or just for 'brain damaged' folks~ it works for people who prefer english over math but would like to do better in math, etc. I don't have the knowledge or time to explain it here but if you are dealing with any of these issues please start your research and find a good osteopath who practices these techniques.
I have one child who is quiet, thoughtful and observant...wonderful in adult world until you realize that the poor child is carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders...
For this child help has come in the form of a personality test...(check them out here ~ the Jung 70 word test is the one we used). It gave us extra insight into his struggles and creative ways of helping him face life more optimistically have resulted.
Another child is extremely emotional. She used to (at ages 2-5) refuse to take a breath when she was angry or upset and would then turn blue and faint...
Not anymore! Time, love and attention fix so many things!
One of my children has interesting attention behaviors...he's very sincere and very needful of my affection right now...especially snuggle time.
He's the energetic boy who needs the freedom to be who he is and the guidance to direct his energies to fruitfulness.
...and I have 2 more children that are still unfolding their little personalities. Who knows what's in store?
All of these children have needed my undivided attention at times.
I have spent a lot of time praying and asking God for wisdom and direction. This is my only true advice! Pray and ask for wisdom! God's Word says He will not withhold it from those who ask.
God didn't fall off of His throne or get surprised by the personalities of the children with which He blessed you. He knows it's difficult. He wants you to turn to Him for help and then give Him all credit for the amazing results.
This is very hard to do. I know. I'm in the trenches with you. Let's join hands and push forward, supporting each other in any way we can.
Courage! Dear ones!
The rewards of parenting are tremendous. What a wonderful opportunity!
Labels: Family, Woman to Woman
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11 Comments:
I enjoyed your post, very thoughtful. I have to say, I also like your sidebar cartoons of your kids. When you open your string cheese factory, let me know, because we will be your best customer!
"Our children need to see us as a refuge." That's a very real truth, and obviously you try to create that refuge for your family. This was such a thoughtful, encouraging post. Thank you for being part of this forum today.
Can i just say how much i enjoyed this post this morning..sigh.
I too am dealing with a new avenue with one of my children and last night I decided that seeking God and his wisdom was the right choice on how to help correct his behavior. Thanks for the message and the advice....
I love the line where you said "that is why the Lord gave us families and not instructions"..beautiful!!
OH my goodness what a great post!! I just loved it!! I dont think I could agree more. (I was going to put another exclamation point, but there has to be a limit right?) I have said this very thing to so many of my friends when asking for help concerning their kids. I just say that they are unique individuals,and try to love and appreciate their differences. Figure out, through prayer, how to go about it with each one. What works for one, may not work for another. So did I say how much I love this post? hehehe
That's great advice! Wonderful post. Thank you!
Thank you for your insights, your wisdom and your faith. God really does give us the children He knows we need ... so we can help them and so they can help us.
Prayer is an integral part of motherhood... I couldn't imagine getting through aprenthood without it. Thank you for telling us about osteopathy... and sharing your other thoughts and ideas!
"God gave us families, not institutions" great point! I cherish each of my children's uniqueness.
As you so aptly pointed out, prayer is also a big part of parenthood. i don't know where I'd be without it!
I agree! Completely, and thanks for the soap box. (I love those!)
I've found a very dear DO, whom I love, who has helped me find, create or carve out wonderful treatments for my disabled son.
So often, I have found myself looking at a tag, rather than my child.
This was a wonderful post-
Thank you
"God didn't fall off of His throne or get surprised by the personalities of the children with which He blessed you."
This is something that I have had to learn over the years! My kids are so diverse but God has given me insight over the years and I find myself understanding them more than when they were young!
Thank you for the insight and reminder! I feel like God is the one that sent these little ones to me . . . I know that He will guide me with them!
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